BGM: IU - Twenty-three
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Hey hi hello it's the day I become twenty-three years old. And thats that. Hihi.
I was freaking out a little bit a few days ago because I thought birthday need to be special and what should I prepare for this day. And realizing that I wont be doing anything special- I kind of get depressed a little bit I thought Im not giving myself a special treatment asdfghj
But as today comes in, I realized it doesnt have to be any big event for this day to be special. It will be special if I think of it that way. Honestly I keep trying to avoid or skip today so I dont have to go through it. I know thats weird but whenever my birthday comes by each year, I tend to be a little depressed, seriously.
That is because I tend to think that since a year has passed since my last birthday what have I achieved in the meantime? I'll start to list down things that I do and blame myself if it doesnt exceed my expectation of myself. Honestly that will repeat next year and without realizing I didnt appreciate the me whom actually having the birthday. I was too focused on the last year self and that is not okay, really.
I was about to commit the same mistake this year until a friend from matriculation send me a birthday wishes last night. It seemed like she was generously waiting for 12AM so she could wish me birthday exactly when my birthday start! It might looked typical but I realized something from there; the fact that theres someone who tries her best just to do the most obvious thing but still that really warms my heart and I cannot stop appreciating what she did. It was as simple as a birthday wishes and a edited aesthetic collage of myself in which I assumed she screenshot from my Instagram account but still that really really warms my heart. ANd I actually feels bad for thinking that it would be typical to wish me birthday at 12AM. Sigh.
Again, it also made me think that I dont need any event celebration just because its my birthday. I can just go to work, watch Namjoon's vlive from last night (in which I consider as a pep talk to start the day! haha) and kind of procrastinate my labworks today- that already makes me feel special! Also I made a journal spread dedicated for myself last night just like how I made one for Jungkook during his birthday! All of these actions already make my day a little different from other days so I guess- thats special! :)
So to my twenty-three self; this is the age where you might feel very confused about yourself. This self is the midperson between your student and adult life (in fact, you're in a situation where you dont even know whether to call yourself a student or a research assistant in real life). But again, this is your youth. After all, youre the only one having the utmost responsibility towards your life. You will face hardships, but it will be alright.
You've passed the SAVE ME phase, it's the IM FINE phase now.
By that I really mean that you're starting the adult life now but since its something that you will keep becoming rather than a transformation as a whole, it's fine its alright you have you; us-in-you. We'll get through this together until the end :)
I really hope I can write more since Im really into it right now I really want to write how 'Im Fine' by BTS really suits this situation right now I also want to talk more about my Twenty-Three in details but I'll just stop here. All of this thoughts right now really warms my heart Im about to melt down in uwu :3
