let me speak.

To know hope, you must know despair

Despair is not the enemy of hope. Frustration and anxiety may not be your friends, but they are repeatedly wrestled on your way to hope. Over the years, plenty of people have called me overly hopeful—almost stupidly hopeful. From my eyes I only know summits of hope because I have been in great depths of despair. In the darkness of that valley I’ve cried out to God: “What am I doing here! I can’t do this anymore. I hate every last step of this!” The echoes of those moments haunt me.
But when you’ve been there—when you’ve screamed in that valley and heard those cries echoed back empty—then you discover any step above that is a step toward hope.

But knowing hope, truly living a hope-filled life, is a reflex against despair.

To know faith, you must know doubt

It perplexes me that some have made doubt the enemy of faith. I would argue that you can’t know what faith is until you know what doubt is. Both are invisible. Both are real. And both are internal, silent motivators of our daily actions.
In putting both feet on either side of the faith/doubt teeter totter, I desire balance while one always wins over the other. I’m either standing on faith or standing on doubt.
Falling into the arms of grace isn’t an action of doubt or faith. But the resolve that comes through pushing against doubt’s gravity to take action is a step of faith. That is what reassures me that grace truly will catch me.

To know grace, you must know failure

One of my mentors, at each of these moments over the past decade, has asked me, “What are the things you are running away from by doing this and what are the things you are running to?” Even in roles where everyone has labeled me a success, I know there were failures. I know there were expectations unmet. I know I expressed attitudes I shouldn’t have. There were many times when I worked on what I wanted to work on to the neglect of what others thought I should be working on.

Even on the road to success, there are many failures you have to deal with. Being honest about that with myself and with others helps me discover what grace really means in my life.

cc: relevantmagazine

pic talk

i'm a person with feels overload.

in love.

no that was wayyyy random. /must be bcause of dmtn is coming back wehuuuuuuuuuuu

wait, no. is that how im supposed to to this?

first post of 2013? and literally first post after spm? gahhhh no.

let me clear everything out.
first, gahhh what's first? idk where to start everything were too much.
literally, i contained too much feels not getting able to write it down here so i pour everything in the doodle books which i entitled as kora. lmou kora. isnt cute isnt it? heh.

kiv kora first. and i dont think i'll tall about spm either. too much gab between 5th december until now. let bygone be bygones. bdw, just get a ajskjaksja rumor about spm result. some said it'll be out on 14 feb wth? but yeah election issue, everything could happen /le sigh

tbh, i'm sorry. i'm sorry to myself that even after spm, i keep couldnt do what i want. actually, i dont really know what i really want. i keep changing during the times. hard times. it was awfully terrible. you should read kora. or maybe not.

then things kinda changed, i went to kl. a somehow what-should-i-call-this? a trip maybe? yeah, mrs senator need to attend dewan negara at the times and i was there being a babysitter? idek my status but i really dont mind that title lulz who arent happy with a baby keep calling you "maaaaaak" all the way around kk xD it was a fy situation trololololol and i even get the chance to pray at parlimen trololol thanks uncle polisss :)

then what? hurm, gayo daejuns? i skipped everything. literally i'm basically having a conflict at the time, against myself. without anyone knowing lol yeah as usual exo's NO ONE HWO CARE ABUOT MEEE lol and bcoz there's no kiki or sort of it you knwo what im saying; i dont even care about that life of mine again (at that time) then i realized: me getting kiki at the start of spm was really a test, either i could tolerate it or not pheww :')

then new year. and i'm still waking up earlyyyy for school. taking the same bus home. wearig the same uniform with a pair of black shoes as exception. yeah i'm back to school. stamians? i dunnot noe yet. honestly, i see nothin coming my way yet. idk. and this is frustating me, a lot. yes i did make a strong will to keep learning maddah stam but there's something lingering inside of me which i think need another blog post for that issue, later guise!

then you know there's issues with blockbusters. /sigh this fandom cries a lot. bbc is the fandom that complains and cries a lot. our busters and their's unstoppable issue sobs /le weeps again.

• zico + hwayong/hyoyoung : i dun really mind this honestly i seems to like (or maybe KNOW) hwayoung a bit after the t-ara crisis. or like k-bbcs says, hyoyoung watever, any of the twins for sure. i dun mind this.
• ukwon + sunhye : aww kittykwon so suwiiiiit but i wish he didnt do that. he's not even stable and he alr had a issue bfore (lol the bracelet thingy) now this? sigh r u somehow fight with bbomb? anywayyyyy you're sweeeeeeeet dalkomhan :"))))))
• stardumb : /cough well excuse me for my rudeness but the title suits them. i respected pd appa but since he didnt even say a thing about this, nor even making any statement (which i dint mid if he sounds hella liar or watever) but my respect lever drop dramatically. sobsss wae appa WAEEEEE? i'll leave this case, to much feels contained.

i'm in 6K1. disaster. as if it's not disastrous enough, i was forced to be the raidah. ust rogayah's biggest mandat "saya kata A, A laah. tokleh doh gelain" waaaaa? idk, i said that it'll need another post for this. not now.

as a SPM leavers, i did nothing. you know how other people starts getting license and went to numerous camp and stuff? i did nothing. cant really says why. and i dont usually envy people but i really jelly those KEX's programmer siriusly D:

ohh what else? 

im sorry writer block. i've changed from a night person to a non one. yeaah, times change me though accurately it was my surrounding. i'm permeable. i am. guise, no worry, everthing still okey dokie insyaAllah everything lillahita'Ala remember? :)

everything was much more feels than this and much more stories actually but its impossible to write all. i cant my body is exhausted for containing feels overload but it'll be a severe ain if i drop everything at once so yeah little by little can? (: