let me speak.

To know hope, you must know despair

Despair is not the enemy of hope. Frustration and anxiety may not be your friends, but they are repeatedly wrestled on your way to hope. Over the years, plenty of people have called me overly hopeful—almost stupidly hopeful. From my eyes I only know summits of hope because I have been in great depths of despair. In the darkness of that valley I’ve cried out to God: “What am I doing here! I can’t do this anymore. I hate every last step of this!” The echoes of those moments haunt me.
But when you’ve been there—when you’ve screamed in that valley and heard those cries echoed back empty—then you discover any step above that is a step toward hope.

But knowing hope, truly living a hope-filled life, is a reflex against despair.

To know faith, you must know doubt

It perplexes me that some have made doubt the enemy of faith. I would argue that you can’t know what faith is until you know what doubt is. Both are invisible. Both are real. And both are internal, silent motivators of our daily actions.
In putting both feet on either side of the faith/doubt teeter totter, I desire balance while one always wins over the other. I’m either standing on faith or standing on doubt.
Falling into the arms of grace isn’t an action of doubt or faith. But the resolve that comes through pushing against doubt’s gravity to take action is a step of faith. That is what reassures me that grace truly will catch me.

To know grace, you must know failure

One of my mentors, at each of these moments over the past decade, has asked me, “What are the things you are running away from by doing this and what are the things you are running to?” Even in roles where everyone has labeled me a success, I know there were failures. I know there were expectations unmet. I know I expressed attitudes I shouldn’t have. There were many times when I worked on what I wanted to work on to the neglect of what others thought I should be working on.

Even on the road to success, there are many failures you have to deal with. Being honest about that with myself and with others helps me discover what grace really means in my life.

cc: relevantmagazine