.__.)v

On positive side; jumaat depan balikkkk ^^;

have you ever?

suddenly lose the spirit to study?
feel to let go of everything?
feel you cannot go on?
feel you're lost?
feel like "screw everything. i'm not going to continue this!"?

Cause i am right now.
4 days to final exam for semester 1.
And i don't even know what exactly my mind is thinking.
I feel insecure i don't even know what to do.

The thoughts of "let's stop. screw the world and it's contents" and "seriously? what about your responsibility towards deen? towards family? towards yourself? what about all those pains and sacrifices you and the people around you made? yada yada yada" is now directly proportional.

Is your devastated heart or responsibility awared heart bigger?

That's the red light. I keep halting at the question because i don't know the answer myself.

..

There's this Islamic lecture I love to listen to. The highlighted part is:

 the most difficult pill for the muslims to swallow is article #6 of our deen; the qadr of Allah subhanahuwataa'la. we don't want to admit it. - Imam Qasir Khan

We have to give each other reminders.. Allah gave us the name Insaan which is literally translated the creature that has to be reminded. Because out of everything that Allah created, we are the only one that forgets.

This rant is becoming random.


Keep on ranting keep going.

The most pathetic part of me having a crisis right now is the fact that I realize that I should not. I am aware of this karat in my heart and I am indeed aware that I must get rid of it. But I could not.

I read those motivational and inspirational quotes between lines. I agreed but I didn't feel it as I were in the past. Allahu Allah. The amount of black dots (sins) in my heart must has gradually increasing T_______T


.. Honestly I think I need someone to talk to. Or at least someone who could talk to me. Maybe after all what I needis some kind of affection? No, I'm not trying to be an attention seeker right now. It's just that.. I'm slowly losing control of my own mind.

Ojjorago?

Or maybe all I need is to let it out. Sometimes a trouble becomes troubles when you keep it within yourself. And when you think too deeply about it.

Yes Nikhakimah, definitely! Even if there's no one, Allah is still there. Alll the time. You just have to stop distancing yourself from Him with all the 'lagha'ness.

Allahu Allah.
How exactly can I forget that.

Insaan.

La haulawala quwwata illabillah.
I am indeed weak.

Ya muqallibal qulub, tsabit qulubi a'la dinik wafi thaa'tik.
Ya Allah Yg Maha Membolak balikkan hati, tetapkan hatiku pada agamaMu dan mentaa'tiMu.

Ya Allah janganlah Engkau pesongkan hati kami sesudah Engkau memberi hidayah kepada kami.
Amin ya Rabb.

tadi sedih

tadi upside down sebenarnya.
tapi terklik APG dulu sebelum sempat "Write A New Post" ni loading.
(refer: Dua Ringgit, Kalimah Allah dan Erti Sebuah Pengorbanan)
hermmm, perasaan kena hoyeahhhh balik.

walau esok dah kena balik penang dalam keadaan keluarga nak buat korban esok. 2 ekor lembu. hurmmm sila hoyeahhh balikkk!

ok dah hoyeahh dah!

Selamat hari raya Aidiladha! 

Taqaballahu minna waminkum taqabbal ya Karim. Moga Allah redha :)

Dirumah sekarang. Esokkan raya *wink wink

Ironi 1| Cuti 5 hari. Sabtu Ahad Isnin Selasa dan Rabu. Esok dah last duduk rumah dan lebih mengharukan, majlis korban kat rumah jatuh pada hari Rabu yay. Sobs ^^;

Raya puasa hari tu pun sama. Belum apa-apa, dah kena balik kolej. Hari tu oklah, sempat jugak tangguh sehari dan last2 burn tiket bas balik Penang dgn Abe 6. Kelas pun x start lagi waktu tu. Sekarang ni, hari Khamis tu dah ada kelas. Lagipun nngti ada perjumpaan antara fasilitator dengan cikgu sebelum bengkel Bioslogos Sabtu ni. Ahh fasi.

Macam pelik, sebab sebelum ni tak pernanh terfikir takkan miss sambutan apa2 kat rumah. Sebab sebelum ni mmg 24/7 duduk rumah. Huhu ^^;

Ironi2| Hari ni dah 14/10. Esok 15/10. Balik Penang 16/7. Waktu tu masa dah kurang 10 hari dari PSPM. Balik kelantan dah punggah berdozen buku tapi satu pun payah gile nak sentuh. Allllaaaah :(

Allahumma zidni tsabitan fi qalbi ya Allah. Kurniakan ketetapan pada hatiku ya Allah agar aku dapat kekal istiqamah belajar walau dirumah. Allahu Allah, lemahnya nafsi.

Dah dah, esok raya. Bergembiralah walau seketika. Kakak ke-4 lagi lah, langsung takde cuti. Be grateful and stop complaining la kimah.

Isbir aála ma asobik.

Yeah yeah giddy up!

:)

11malam (part II)

dora datang lagi.

eh kimahlah. dora tu kawan sepraktikum hewheww ;D

assalamualaikum.

11 malam lagi. biasalah budak matrik. ni pun bersyukur boleh bersenang lenang bukak blog. bilik yang hampir dengan kafe sahaja boleh masuk (baca: access) wifi kolej hehee :)

jadi tujuannya malam ni, nak menulis mengenai kmpp part II. aik, penulisan dah lain dari semalam. brohohohoho; sekelip mata dah bertukar. memang utraman.

B3-2-7;

Where I am currently typing this post eventhough 2 of my roomates had sleep. Gahh kehidupan kami agak memenatkan. Malam untuk rehat. But somehow, I'm still up here. Still trying to get access to Twitter which I couldnt get through since evening (asjakjskaj blockbee comeback what are you thinking internet connection??) haha. Innamal ámalu binniat. Tajdid niat pls.

Ok so, Kompel SIti Khadijah, B3 tingkat 2 bilik 7 is where I was located. 4 person/room. 3 dari 4 semua guna loghat Kelantan. 1 budak Kedah. Introducing Nurul Athirah-Besut, Ku Nazihah-Kelantan && Fatin Farhana-Kedah. Weee the Timurians ahakk.

K1P4;

Aliran Sains, Modul 3, Kuliah K1, Praktikum K1P4.

Hurm modul 3 apakah? To make it short, pelajar modul 3 mengambil subjek Chemistry, Biology tanpa mengambil kira subjek Physic. Dan untuk menggantikan kecacatan tersebut, maka ianya digantikan dengan subjek Computer Science. Daebak. (bukan debek, harap maklum)

Alkisahnya, saya dipilih ke matrik untuk mengikuti pembelajaran Modul 1 tetapi telah beralih arah ke Modul 3 dan mengenepikan satu satunya subjek yg dapat B solid sewaktu SMP. Limaza? Huh dah terbukti kecintaan terhadap Fizik tiada galang gantinya. 

La. Marratan tsaniah la. Erk when I first was asked whether to stay in Modul 1 or move, I think that I should move so I could focus on Bioslogos. (Somehow at the start of this year, I've determined to be an O&G doctor OTL haha) And somehow Modul 1 student will have more credit hour than Modul 3 student /cough /cough Sebenarnya tak de lah lebih sangat, sejam je pun. *sigh to my young soul and mind*

Kuliah K1. Ok what to say. Every lecture has 5-8 class I think. Our K1 has 5 class from K1P1 to K1P5. Dalam lecture ni, hanyalah saya dan Munifah dari MMP. (Oh MML tidak terkira, entah) Mostly budak kelas K (Modul 3), bilangan budak lelaki ciput je hehe. Kalau budak F (Modul 2), budak lelaki ramaiii :D Budak H (Modul 1) and Akaun so-so.

Thumma; kelas kami. K1P4 is quite ok. Malah kami dipanggil nerds oleh sesetengah pelajar kuliah. Erkk ok nerds are ok. I dont have anything against that haha.
Mentor kami Cg Suhaimi Zulkarnain. Ajar Chemistry Practical. Uhh kat sini Biology && Chemistry && Science Comp ada 3 kelas berlainanan; kuliah, tutorial, amali. And then we have subjek wajib English and P.Agama which we enjoy a lot sbb ianya waktu yang tak heavy sangat. We go to class bincang2 sket and move on to another class. Cool :)

Ohh let me introduce my boys & girls; Hazmi, Kamal, Pali, Amir and Azam. Teha, Isy, Saf, Tiqa, Faz and Wawa. Anis and Najwa. Oyah, Pikah, Asirah and Wani. Tihani, Nisa, Syitah. And then there's my saudara-perempuan-jiwa (baca: soulsisters) Ana, Meme, Syasya, Dora and dearest Has. Mbahhahaha :D

Hurm, ini boleh diklonklusikan buat sementara waktu. I had nothing to say anymore. Peace out Assalamualaikum.

11malam

title random. sbb dah 11 malam.

tgh bacaan al-mulk. annur fm.

heee :)

Assalamualaikum.

Aúzubillahiminassyaitanirrajim.

Aku berlindung dengan Allah dari syaitan yg direjam. Sebab dah lama tak jenguk blog. Kalau blog ni benda physical dah lama bersawang lelabah. Nasib baik virtual, jadilah dia kekal dengan hanya nama website. Eh?

Dipendekkan cerita; saya sekarang di matrik. Kolej Matrikulasi Seberang Prai Pulau Pinang. Bukan dipulau hanya diseberang ehheh. Ceritanya bukanlah panjang mana pun. Telah dikatakan "kun!" maka "jadilah!" ia begini :)

Maaf, mungkin agak kabur. Tetapi disebabkan tempoh masa yang agak lama dari last post (rujuk: post result spm) maka tiadalah hatta sekelumit semangat sekalipun untuk bercerita dengan lebih lanjut. Asif jiddan.

Fakana, post ini hanyalah sebagai kalam pembuka bicara kembali. Agak tidak canggung (baca: awkward) untuk kembali menulis dilain masa.

To be honest, I'm enjoying the life here. Even though I havent being away from home on my own more than 3 days (tu pun sebab pergi tamrin kat mmp dulu hohoho), I'm fitting well here. KMPP accept me well. Alhamdulillah aála kulli hal. Kullu hamdulillah.

Fasal 1: ANC
La'! Marratan tsaniah tidakk! Saya bukan Annur Comittee. Pernanh kecewa kerana tidak terpilih selepas menghadiri temuduga dgn penuh semangat lagi rasa ria'. Adeh, tamparan pertama disini. Lesson #1: Who do you think you are?! Hehee terima kasih ANC untuk peringatan itu :''DD

Fasal 2: Brotherhood

Jangan dilihat pada luarannya. Meskipun namanya sesuai untuk saudara2 sahaja tapi kaum saudari lebih memonopoli. Eh? Heee this is where my family is. This is where my happiness is. This is where srettt jap jap fasal BH ni ada banyaaaak kaitannya dengan maudu' (aka chapter) lain jadi boleh skip tak? Hohoho makin memeningkan.

Fasal 3: AFC

Haaaa ni alur sungai ANC. Juga dikenali sebagai Annur Friends Club. Ok kejap. Annur tu apa? Kejap Annur Committee kejap Annur Friend.. What the name of tiger??! (baca: gapo namo ghima?!)

Menurut portal rasmi KMPP; Annur adalah nama surau di kolej ini. Arakian dengan itu menjadikan ANC sebagai pihak yg bertanggungjawab trhadap program2 (spesifikasi: kearah kebaikan dan siratulmustaqim) di KMPP. Sekian.

 Jadii haaa! Meh nak habaq kat hang! Che' masuk le AFC. Doh tu masuk ANC tok leh! Hehee betuil ah. AFC pun ok. Except that sobs dapat satu amanah. Nampak biasa tapi bagi saya yang serba dhaif dan hanya reti bermadah pujangga ni, berat. Berat. Amanah untuk membawa satu keluarga kecil AFC sendiri. Allahuallahh. Allahumma zidni qalban tsabitan ya Allah.

Ok habis 3 fasal kelab. Nak masuk bab soulsister (baca: seoulsista) dgn kelas dgn kuliah dgn pembelajaran dan pengajaran dgn makan makan dgn blok dgn perkara perkara lain. Tapi erkk dukacita dimaklumkan wi-fi disini hanya terhad sehingga pukul 12 malam. Tunggulah insyAllah lepas ni nak mintak cg Science Comp ajar hack wi-Fi kolej supaya dpt guna 24/7. Adeh adehhhhh telinga kena piat dengan cg Faezah x)

-------------------------------------- Ok jap, bestnya boleh menulis balik. Hewwww rindunya menulis balik. Alhamdulillah berpeluang malam ni.

Tadi kelas smpai pukul 5.30 ptg. Summa pergi ijtima' AFC sampai hampir maghrib. Summa lepas maghrib ada ijtima' Brotherhood. Ohh harap malum bahawa saya tidak memegang mana2 jawatan MT dalam mana mana kelab. Hanya ahli yg terlebih aktif kesini kesitu. Dan yay malam ni tiada tutorial sangat heee :)

Oh mannnn excited untuk menulis lagi alamak!

Isbir isbir wahai hati. Senyummmm

kmppfirst

queensbay kahkahkah ketegaq na!

dari penang ke kelantan

#r4bia doctors

brother(sister)hood love <3

monkey beach--hiking sept 1st

k(mmp)p~ians

key1pi4

photoshoot

cerparat

bioslogos