∞overzelㅇus∞

Saturday, January 26, 2013

let me speak.

To know hope, you must know despair

Despair is not the enemy of hope. Frustration and anxiety may not be your friends, but they are repeatedly wrestled on your way to hope. Over the years, plenty of people have called me overly hopeful—almost stupidly hopeful. From my eyes I only know summits of hope because I have been in great depths of despair. In the darkness of that valley I’ve cried out to God: “What am I doing here! I can’t do this anymore. I hate every last step of this!” The echoes of those moments haunt me.
But when you’ve been there—when you’ve screamed in that valley and heard those cries echoed back empty—then you discover any step above that is a step toward hope.

But knowing hope, truly living a hope-filled life, is a reflex against despair.

To know faith, you must know doubt

It perplexes me that some have made doubt the enemy of faith. I would argue that you can’t know what faith is until you know what doubt is. Both are invisible. Both are real. And both are internal, silent motivators of our daily actions.
In putting both feet on either side of the faith/doubt teeter totter, I desire balance while one always wins over the other. I’m either standing on faith or standing on doubt.
Falling into the arms of grace isn’t an action of doubt or faith. But the resolve that comes through pushing against doubt’s gravity to take action is a step of faith. That is what reassures me that grace truly will catch me.

To know grace, you must know failure

One of my mentors, at each of these moments over the past decade, has asked me, “What are the things you are running away from by doing this and what are the things you are running to?” Even in roles where everyone has labeled me a success, I know there were failures. I know there were expectations unmet. I know I expressed attitudes I shouldn’t have. There were many times when I worked on what I wanted to work on to the neglect of what others thought I should be working on.

Even on the road to success, there are many failures you have to deal with. Being honest about that with myself and with others helps me discover what grace really means in my life.

cc: relevantmagazine

Thursday, January 24, 2013

pic talk

Monday, January 21, 2013

i'm a person with feels overload.

in love.

no that was wayyyy random. /must be bcause of dmtn is coming back wehuuuuuuuuuuu

wait, no. is that how im supposed to to this?

first post of 2013? and literally first post after spm? gahhhh no.

let me clear everything out.
first, gahhh what's first? idk where to start everything were too much.
literally, i contained too much feels not getting able to write it down here so i pour everything in the doodle books which i entitled as kora. lmou kora. isnt cute isnt it? heh.

kiv kora first. and i dont think i'll tall about spm either. too much gab between 5th december until now. let bygone be bygones. bdw, just get a ajskjaksja rumor about spm result. some said it'll be out on 14 feb wth? but yeah election issue, everything could happen /le sigh

tbh, i'm sorry. i'm sorry to myself that even after spm, i keep couldnt do what i want. actually, i dont really know what i really want. i keep changing during the times. hard times. it was awfully terrible. you should read kora. or maybe not.

then things kinda changed, i went to kl. a somehow what-should-i-call-this? a trip maybe? yeah, mrs senator need to attend dewan negara at the times and i was there being a babysitter? idek my status but i really dont mind that title lulz who arent happy with a baby keep calling you "maaaaaak" all the way around kk xD it was a fy situation trololololol and i even get the chance to pray at parlimen trololol thanks uncle polisss :)

then what? hurm, gayo daejuns? i skipped everything. literally i'm basically having a conflict at the time, against myself. without anyone knowing lol yeah as usual exo's NO ONE HWO CARE ABUOT MEEE lol and bcoz there's no kiki or sort of it you knwo what im saying; i dont even care about that life of mine again (at that time) then i realized: me getting kiki at the start of spm was really a test, either i could tolerate it or not pheww :')

then new year. and i'm still waking up earlyyyy for school. taking the same bus home. wearig the same uniform with a pair of black shoes as exception. yeah i'm back to school. stamians? i dunnot noe yet. honestly, i see nothin coming my way yet. idk. and this is frustating me, a lot. yes i did make a strong will to keep learning maddah stam but there's something lingering inside of me which i think need another blog post for that issue, later guise!

then you know there's issues with blockbusters. /sigh this fandom cries a lot. bbc is the fandom that complains and cries a lot. our busters and their's unstoppable issue sobs /le weeps again.

zico + hwayong/hyoyoung : i dun really mind this honestly i seems to like (or maybe KNOW) hwayoung a bit after the t-ara crisis. or like k-bbcs says, hyoyoung watever, any of the twins for sure. i dun mind this.
ukwon + sunhye : aww kittykwon so suwiiiiit but i wish he didnt do that. he's not even stable and he alr had a issue bfore (lol the bracelet thingy) now this? sigh r u somehow fight with bbomb? anywayyyyy you're sweeeeeeeet dalkomhan :"))))))
stardumb : /cough well excuse me for my rudeness but the title suits them. i respected pd appa but since he didnt even say a thing about this, nor even making any statement (which i dint mid if he sounds hella liar or watever) but my respect lever drop dramatically. sobsss wae appa WAEEEEE? i'll leave this case, to much feels contained.

i'm in 6K1. disaster. as if it's not disastrous enough, i was forced to be the raidah. ust rogayah's biggest mandat "saya kata A, A laah. tokleh doh gelain" waaaaa? idk, i said that it'll need another post for this. not now.

as a SPM leavers, i did nothing. you know how other people starts getting license and went to numerous camp and stuff? i did nothing. cant really says why. and i dont usually envy people but i really jelly those KEX's programmer siriusly D:

ohh what else?

im sorry writer block. i've changed from a night person to a non one. yeaah, times change me though accurately it was my surrounding. i'm permeable. i am. guise, no worry, everthing still okey dokie insyaAllah everything lillahita'Ala remember? :)

everything was much more feels than this and much more stories actually but its impossible to write all. i cant my body is exhausted for containing feels overload but it'll be a severe ain if i drop everything at once so yeah little by little can? (:

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

4 down;

7 subjects left.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

it's no Jay, i changed it to Henry.

Some people are just doomed to be failures. That's the way some adults look at troubled kids. Maybe you've heard the saying, "A bird with a broken wing will never fly as high." I'm sure that Jay Bradley was made to feel this way almost every day in school.

By high school, Jay was the biggest troublemaker in his town. Teachers literally cringed when they saw his name posted on their classroom lists for the next semester. He wasn't very talkative and got into lots of fights. He had flunked almost every class by the time he entered his senior year, yet was being passed on each year to a higher grade level. Jay was moving on, but definitely not moving up.

I met him for the first time at a leadership retreat. All of the students at school had been invited to sign up for a program designed to have students become more involved in their communities. Jay was one of 405 students who signed up. At the start of the retreat, Jay was literally standing outside the circle of students, against the back wall, with that "go ahead, impress me" look on his face. He didn't seem to have much to say. But slowly, the interactive games drew him in. The ice really melted when the groups started building a list of positive and negative things that had occurred at school that year. Jay had some definite thoughts on those situations. The other students in Jay's group welcomed his comments. All of a sudden Jay felt like a part of the group, and before long he was being treated like a leader. He was saying things that made a lot of sense, and everyone was listening. Jay was a smart guy, and he had some great ideas.

The next day, he became very active in all the sessions. By the end of the retreat, he had joined the Homeless Project team. Jay knew something about poverty, hunger and hopelessness. The other students on the team were impressed with his passionate concern and ideas. They elected Jay as the co-chairman of the team. The student council president would be taking instruction from Jay.

When Jay showed up at school on Monday morning, he arrived to a firestorm. A group of teachers were protesting to the school principal about him being elected as the co-chairman. The very first community-wide service project was to sent foods to the homeless people and these teachers couldn't believe that the principal would allow this vital project to stay in the incapable hands of Jay Bradley. However Mr Shunpike insist and leaving the teachers shaking their heads in disbelief.

Two weeks later, Jay and his friends led a group of 70 students to distribute canned foods to the homeless people in two neighborhood centers. The local newspaper covered the event with a full-page article the next day. That newspaper story was posted on the main bulletin board at school, where everyone could see it. Jay's picture was up there for doing something great, for leading the Homeless Project team. He was being acknowledged as leadership material.

Jay reminds us that a bird with a broken wing only needs mending. But once it has healed, it can fly higher than the rest. He changed my life. He is the epitome of the adage "never judge a book by its cover."
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i just made it last night, and i remember it. huh close enough. I'VE NEVER WROTE A NARRATIVE BEFORE AND SUDDENLY DOING IT FOR SPM? WHAT DID I DOOOOO ;~;

nvm, hope it's okay. tawakaltu'alallah.